Attention All Clowns: You Die Now

Whenever watching “Inside The Actor’s Studio” from time to time, who hasn’t quietly provided one’s own answers to host James Lipton’s questionnaire given at the end of each episode?

In my case, most answers to the questionnaire are light and breezy….

• “What is your favorite word?” That’s easy: “jocular.”
  

• “What job would you like to attempt?” Also easy: “Roller coaster designer.”

• “Sound or noise that you love?” Slam dunk: “Ocean surf.”
  

However, when the question of “What turns you off?” arises the answer is always the same: clowns.

Well, that and ignorance. But I digress…I hate clowns. I mean it.

Yes, I realize most clowns (from circuses and what-not) are nice people dressed in makeup and frilly costumes. But I still don’t want them near me. Hell, were I ever unlucky enough to be interrogated in an Orwellian-style Room 101—where one’s deepest fears are used against you—bringing out a prancing clown would collapse my will like a house of cards.

Either that, or I’d fly into a rage, and bludgeon said clown with his own floppy shoe thus conquering my fear. It’s kind of a toss-up.

Either way, it’s good to know I’m not alone in my clown-o-phobia and that treatment options do, in fact, exist.

In the meantime, I will continue to be vigilant. You never know when the insidious smell of grease paint is creeping up behind you.

"Smile, you cherry-nosed psycho!"