Okay, Mr. Favre.
You hemmed and hawed over retirement from football over the past three seasons until you finally, graciously called it a career in March 2008.
Then two or three weeks out of training camp, you threw the Packers’ plan for life-after-you into a moat by announcing your abrupt intent to return to the team.
You flew back into Green Bay this past Sunday, met by a crew of “mouth-breathing troglodytes” who heralded your triumphant return to the NFL. Yet today, after lengthy discussions with Packers coach Mike McCarthy, you reassessed your comeback by finally, graciously recognizing how your recent Marsha Brady-like conduct has upset the team’s chemistry.
Now word has it the Packers will not grant you a full release for fear you may sign with a division rival like Minnesota – which leaves Green Bay the option to trade you to another team, or simply send you home to Mississippi to wait for another cameo role in There's Something About Mary 2.
Either way, things would have been so much simpler if you would have stayed retired.
Now hit the road while I play that sad song that ran over the final shot of each episode of "Incredible Hulk" showing Dr. Banner walking down that lonesome highway.
PS: I promise never to discuss this stupid topic here again. I promise. Besides, Brett Favre made me do it.