Little Things That Amuse Me - A New, Ongoing Series

Today’s Episode: Hollywood Decapitations

When considering good, old-fashioned movie entertainment—the kind kids of all ages can enjoy with friends and family—who doesn’t enjoy seeing a head lopped off at the shoulders?

Sure, it’s only pretend. But I defy you to dismiss that guilty little corner of your heart that leapt with excitement during “Highlander,” or the part in “Speed” when Keanu detached Dennis Hopper’s melon from his body with a subway light?

Good times, I say. Good times.

As such, let’s explore what—outside of films on the French Revolution—I believe is the greatest movie decapitation in history…

In “The Omen” (1976), actor David Warner plays a man who tips off Gregory Peck’s character that his little son Damien is the anti-Christ – which, in itself, is enough of a bitch. But even worse for a parent (or so I’m told) is to hear your demon-spawn can only be put down of a clutch of mystical knives. So after a meeting with an old codger who conveniently has these weapons, and hands them over to Peck, in a fit of doubt, he suddenly tosses them away – refusing to believe little Damien is evil.

Stepping up to the plate, Warner then says (in so many words): “Well, if you won’t perforate the little bastard, I will.”

Bad move.

As anyone who has seen “The Omen” (or its sequels) knows, Satan looks out for his boy and enjoys dispatching his enemies via “accidents” – usually foreshadowed by crows or Rottweilers or creepy chanting on the movie’s soundtrack.

Anyhow, let’s see what Beezy has in store for Mr. Warner when he goes to collect the holy switchblades that Gregory Peck tossed into—oh, boy—a construction site. Not the kind of construction site filled with dangerous equipment, I hope.

Let’s find out…

Still #1

Here’s David Warner collecting the knives. Uh oh! That truck (off-camera) loaded with large panes of glass seems to be troubling him. I wonder if the parking brake will mysteriously pop via The Dark Side of The Force, and send it hurtling at our (now red-shirted) hero?

Still #2

I’d call that a big yes.

Wow, that truck sure got there in a hurry. And Mr. Warner sure looks surprised! But to be fair, wouldn’t you be if your noggin’ (repository of all one’s hopes and dreams) just got bowling ball-i-fied by a flying pane of glass?

Still #3

Aw, dammit!

Well, that’s what happens when you toy with evil forces. I once knew this kid who tried to summon Walt Disney with a Ouija board…exact same outcome. They buried him in a hatbox out in the backyard the next day.

Gee, does that bring back memories.