Just For Laughs

For several years, I have read the film reviews of Ted Baehr, founder of the far-right wing evangelical Movieguide, who is a longtime opponent of all things Harry Potter – believing it to be, well, let’s allow the author of Movieguide’s review of “Order of The Phoenix” sum it up for me:

Even so, as shown by the number of [book] copies sold, HARRY POTTER remains a phenomenon that’s still attracting millions of children. Thus, the movie version of HARRY POTTER AND THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX is liable to still do great business at the box office. Regrettably, however, this means that even more children will be lured away from God and His Infallible Word, which says that witchcraft is evil and abhorrent. Instead of dreaming about the joys that God gives us through Jesus Christ, they will be dreaming of casting spells…riding brooms, and rebelling against their parents.

My goodness, Flanders, er, I mean, Ted…have you even considered the fact that witchcraft, spells, flying brooms, et al. are as real as the flat earth you dread so deeply within your heart, prompting you to swear off of all trans-Atlantic flights?

And kids rebelling against their parents? How long has this been going on? Oh, yeah…since the beginning of fucking time.

More from Movieguide…

Watching 6- and 7-year-old children walk out of the press screening for the new Harry Potter movie (as well as the people with little witchcraft symbols and S&M dresses)...

Stop the tape! S&M dresses? Did this reviewer see “Order of The Phoenix” or “Order of The Penis”? I can’t help but wonder…

… is always an opportunity to reflect on the malignant corruption of our culture. Aside from the fact that these children are exposed to ugly creatures, fantastic violence and worthless incantations, this movie has dialogue that sounds like it comes out of Stuart Smalley’s Daily Affirmations on SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE. Namely, when Harry's godfather tells him, “You are not a bad person. Every person has light and darkness in them. You have a choice.” Imagine saying this to [Virginia Tech shooter] Michael Cho after he has had his killing spree. Or, Adolf Hitler.

Contrary to the godfather's idiotic aphorisms, there are bad people, and, without God, you cannot choose the good. But, there is a Name above all names who can solve this problems and banish the darkness. And, that name is Jesus Christ.

Oh, crap. Does Ghandi know this?

Uh, oh! Phallic symbol at twelve o'clock! Shade your eyes, children!