Old Glory Hole

Although one can cite a million differences (real and imaged) between liberals and conservatives in America, one which I truly believe holds water is that liberals are generally unafraid to admit they are gay, and conservatives (with the exception of Log Cabin Republicans, et al.) are terrified to make such an admission.

Thus, like the closeted Ted Haggards and Mark Foleys of the right-wing world, it seems the conservatives who most proudly bang their drums of moral outrage over issues like gay marriage also have the most to hide in their private lives.

Take US Senator Larry Craig (R-ID) for example, who according to CNN has...

...[earned] top ratings from social conservative groups such as the American Family Association...and Family Research Council.

[Craig has also] supported a federal constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage, telling his colleagues that it was "important for us to stand up now and protect traditional marriage, which is under attack by a few unelected judges and litigious activists."

Craig has also opposed expanding the federal hate crimes law to cover offenses motivated by anti-gay bias, and in 1996, voted against a bill that would have outlawed employment discrimination based on sexual orientation, which failed by a single vote in the Senate.

Yet ironically (oh, that delicious irony again), this same gay-busting senator plead guilty weeks ago to disorderly conduct when (according to Minneapolis PD reports), he was arrested in a sex sting operation at a local airport restroom notorious for being a "secret" spot for gay men to exchange sexual favors.

Personally, my favorite part of CNN's coverage of the story was Senator Craig's reported response at realizing his sexy jig was up (e.g. shrieking "No!" upon seeing the arresting officer's badge shown under the restroom stall divider, and bolting from the room).

Oh, Larry...just get a room in Boystown. That's what Harvey Firestein would do.

But in all seriousness, here's the bottom line regarding closeted Republicans caught at 3AM at "that" rest stop on US Rt. 1 only to spin lame excuses as to why they are not, in fact, gay: there are as many gay conservatives in America as their are liberal. But the former are trapped by the fact that coming out about their sexuality would make it all but impossible to get elected by their conservative base. Thus, they gotta keep it on the Q.T. and lie about their true nature.

Gay or straight, I frankly don't care who an elected official boinks as long as no molestation is involved.

But in any case, it's priceless to watch the formerly pious likes of Larry Craig squirm before news cameras, and swear up and down that's he's a straight as Merv Griffin...or Rock Hudson...or...that guy from N'Sync...

(damn)