Career Counseling

Like many people, I have no tolerance for animal abuse, something that would make me an exceptionally poor candidate for a job as an animal cruelty investigator as seen on many Animal Planet programs like “Animal Cops.” My problem is that upon witnessing animal cruelty, such investigators must contain their emotions – even in the grievous situations which would otherwise inspire you to take a person who, say, left a dog locked in a dark basement room to starve to death, and throw said perpetrator down a flight of stairs three or four times.

As such, I found another line of work.

Yet sometimes, I allow myself to indulge in revenge fantasies against certain people along the lines of the following tale involving a coonhound now up for adoption in rural Illinois which, well, I’ll let the Petfinder ad do the talking…

Bounty [the dog’s name] was born in an area where dogs of his breed are prized for their hunting abilities…Many of the hunting dogs are kept in large outdoor kennels…which Bounty was. So, the story goes, the owner was at work, [and] Bounty had been barking a little too much for the neighbor, so he decided to put an end to the noise.

He came over, and shot [the dog].

When the owner found out, he took him to the vet, found out Bounty was not going to be 100%, he said he would take him home and finish him off. Thankfully the vet said he would…keep him. Bounty is now with us. The bullet had to be left in his leg, it is a bit atrophied, but he is exercising it.

Now the story above may not be 100% accurate, but the bulk of it is likely more true than not considering the dog still has a bullet still lodged inside it. But aside from all this, if anyone ever came within 100 yards of my own dog with the intent to harm her, I would put that person in the hospital and enjoy every moment of it.

But even worse, the fucking hick who brought the dog into the vet (which surprises me) offering to finish the job personally is yet another reason why some people should be sterilized by law to prevent their in-bred, possum-hunting, Rush Limbaugh-listening, three teeth in their head, white trash DNA being passed onto another generation.

I’m not a hateful person, but I hate people responsible for incidents like those described above. As a matter of fact, had I the means, I’d adopt the dog myself, then find the bastard who shot him and pull a Dick Cheney on his redneck ass.

FYI: For those interested in sending donations to the group that rescued Bounty the dog, click here.