Pimps

In today’s 5-4 decision in the matter of Citizens United v. FEC, Chief Justice John Roberts, and Associate Justices Antonin Scalia, Anthony Kennedy, Clarence Thomas and Samuel Alito (four conservatives and one swing vote) have given labor unions and US corporations (many of whom have foreign ownership) the right to spend unlimited funds in sponsoring political ads - many via via back-door puppet organizations with noble-sounding names (e.g. Citizens for Banking Reform, etc).

What this means for ordinary citizens is that their power at the ballot box has been dramatically undercut by a group of organizations with billions of dollars at their disposal whose sole purpose is profit and pleasing their stockholders.

After hearing this decision today I can only imagine how many CEOs had to suddenly dash to the bathroom after suddenly having pissed themselves with glee, as the court's decision was the ultimate Christmas gift.

As a result, and in no uncertain terms, this decision by the court’s established right-wing has made an existing problem—the power of unions and corporations (and their lobbyists) to influence lawmakers--and made it much worse, in addition to making the same very difficult to regulate in the future.

Thus, in appreciation for their efforts, I expect that Judges Roberts, Kennedy, Scalia, Thomas, and Alito will all be met outside their DC-area homes tonight by stretch Hummers - each containing $10,000 hookers and small mountain of cocaine accompanied by a simple gift card simply reading "Courtesy of a friend."