Going Rogue: An Election Short

Happy Birthday, Satan!

In the Halloween spirit—I won’t be home tomorrow night; I’ll be in Chicago at the Hawks game—I wanted to pass along the following Tribune piece by Christopher Borelli about war stories from haunted house employees who deal annually with losers (often drunk, often high-school age) who become belligerent, sometimes to the point of throwing a punch.

The article reminded me of a gig my brother had years ago for a local, higher-budget haunted house where he played a rat-like creature in a full latex mask (which I understand was difficult to breathe in), and often dealt with teenage guys who would hassle him, and sometimes slap his face and bolt from the room like real men.

My God, there are so many people on Earth who need a good beating.

As for me, during my brief stint as a student at NIU (circa 1989-90), I was talked one October into working a very low-budget haunted house set up in a dorm basement, and had a mixed experience.

The first night, when I was told to stay in a wide-open room—where it was impossible to sneak up on anyone—it was total boredom. The second (and final) night, however, I moved into another, darkened room where an ad-hock maze was built out of scrap wood and cardboard.

At first, I enjoyed jumping out and scaring kids, but soon found I could crawl and roll under the maze’s cardboard walls allowing me to grab a chick’s leg and quickly disappear.

I was also hit on relentlessly by a cute girl (who called me “pooky”) working the same room, but then oddly never saw her again.

Good times, I say. Good times.

Pro-Americans

A popular myth peddled by the far-right is that if every American man, woman, and child packed heat that the nation would be a blissful, crime-free utopia.

In this same vein, never let it be said that fear, guns, and quick cash aren’t powerful ways to soothe one’s anxieties following a triple-murder.

Also, it’s interesting that if you Google the manufacturers of this fine product that the header includes the following images (click on them to embiggen) of classic, arch-conservative ideals: well-scrubbed white folks, a shotgun, a pretty homestead in a gated community, and a flag.

Yup, nothing sez “God Bless America” and “Keep The Darkies Under The Bridge” more than that.

It Hurts To Think

Once again, Sarah Palin proves herself to be (at best) an intellectual lightweight, and closet member of The Flat Earth Society.

Please go to the corner and put your head down for the next eight days.
We'll wake you when it's over.

Sanity Check

Although some Obama backers (e.g. Rachel Maddow) are bemoaning the worst at T-minus eight days to the election, I saw some stats today that encouraged me regarding his final chances.

In 2004, at this same time during that election, Real Clear Politics reports that Bush was leading Kerry by 1.5% nationally. And although I don’t put much stock in such polling, that figure is very close to the final margin of victory Bush had when the dust settled (including Nader voters).

Fast forward to today: RCP projects Obama having a 9.3% advantage over McCain (including consideration for Third Party voters).

Swing state polling is also holding for Obama in PA, OH, VA, CO, IA, MI, and NM while projections in MO, FL, and NC are tightening down the stretch. Either way, the numbers are favoring Obama. So my advice to chronic Debbie Downers like Dr. Maddow is to relax.

Also, here’s another Election Day tip: ignore all exit polling data no matter which way it leans.

Remember 2004 again? When exit numbers showed Kerry with a robust lead over Bush around 1PM? The same figures that cast a pall over White House staffers who believed their boss would soon be packing for Crawford?

Well, do yourself a favor this year and dismiss anything you hear next Tuesday afternoon regarding who is leading in what state.

We likely won’t have a clear winner until midnight anyhow so chill.

Wassup 2008

Suicide Pact

Just as the 2008 election is about to wrap up, a faction within the GOP (that is, Palin herself) is already driving Sarah Palin as the party’s heir-apparent in 2012.

It’s possible, of course, that Palin may take a solo stab at the House.

And while it’s hard to project what may happen in four years, if a President Obama (if elected) does as well as I expect (despite inheriting eight years of George W. Bush’s idiocy), Palin would face a strong incumbent, plus the same problems fracturing her party now: internal strife between Republican moderates, and hawkish neo-cons who want power back.

However, it is these same ideologuish, commie-hunting, media-hating, would-be inheritors of Reagan (e.g. the talk radio stooges of the GOP – Limbaugh, Hannity, et al.) who are responsible for the party collapsing today by refusing to expand their tent for—God forbid—other conservatives who refuse to march in lockstep with their ilk.

If this is truly the type of glassy-eyed, you’re-either-with-us-or-against-us type of Republican that Sarah Palin wants to court to in four years, so be it. But barring a colossal screw-up by Obama (should he be elected), no one else in the GOP—much less any other voter—may be interested in what she’s selling.